Hazelnut-Flavored Regrets
by Draenog Glas
Summary: Oneshot fic based off both Schiza and The Wishgiver. Sonic and Schiza somehow, psychically, know that it's Sonic's birthday. After baking with what looks to her parents with no help from anyone, they discuss to her about the fallacy of believing in angels as comfort. Sonic's memories are warped, as his heart is split in two, frozen in the bitter tundras of Purgatory.


**A/N: Takes place in the events of Schiza, sort of as a lone fic of a fic (like how 50 Shades fanfiction is a fic of a fic, but don't read that please.), yet it also is another follow-up to the events of The Wishgiver.**

**I know you guys want to get right to the story and I'll try to make this short: I feel like I really need to redo The Wishgiver soon, because at the time when I wrote it I was suffering from anxiety and worried about my performance and how shitty I thought it would be. And well, turned out it was shitty. I added a poll in my profile in case you want to aid me in the decision of remaking it with a better direction, but if not, I'll probably go ahead and redo it anyways.**

**I might make a sequel to The Wishgiver too, cause I guess the Schiza series is a three-part act like The Hunger Games or whatever, except the third one focuses on Sonic more than the kids he protected, which I guess is what I was supposed to do anyways. It's going to have harsh moments but I think it'll be a more softer story than The Wishgiver.**

**Sorry if this seems all over the place too, by the way. I'm not very good at editing and I tried to incorporate a recipe in the story, and all of a sudden it got really dark, especially with what I learned about angels appearing really like alienoid creatures (so really, him being a monster and an angel is REALLY NOT A FAR-OFF THEORY.), so I guess it alternated with it being a warm story and then a depressing story. That emotional whiplash again.**

**I'll try to add A/Ns more often cause I feel like I don't explain/warn about things in these stories, so expect me attempting to make more of them.**

The morning rose, and Sonic felt different.

It was like The Metamorphosis, where he woke up in a bed with a different body, but he woke up, with a different age, a different view on why he was here, on why Schiza was so precious to him.

The girl that smiled like a cherub. The girl who took him to the beach and built sandcastles with him, even if he was made of fluff. The girl who slept with him every night, nuzzling the plush near her cheeks. Sonic lied quietly listening to her breathe, the undulations her heart made. She was such a quiet girl, that even her heart barely squeaked inside her chest.

It was a different day. Schiza was out of the home of her abusive parents, and into the arms of loving ones. Roger had gone to work, and Lorena was out by the garden, wondering where the large god-like flowers had come from. The dawn smelled sweetly, the scent of the sun arising in the horizon, and Schiza woke up earlier than him, drowned by sleep in his duty to protect her from monsters, the little girl marching downstairs with a cerulean bowl and a container of eggs and mix, chocolate powder dusting the kitchen.

_I wonder what she's up to…I've never seen her get up this early before…_

The blue opalescent sky opened up, the stars being sent away to their beds. He quietly walked to the kitchen, taking care not to step on a loose egg shell, in fear of Lorena believing that someone had come to harm Schiza. However he believed she should've heard the eggs in the first place when Schiza brought them down and they cracked like golden faces surrounded by a nebula of white, but her mother still took whatever time out of her schedule to tend to the buttercups, her favorite flowers that wilted slowly over the summer months.

Sonic smiled softly, the girl haphazardly adding the eggs to the mixture, trying to control the mixer without the aid of Lorena. Schiza remembered her mother never helped her at all to learn about cooking or even had the kindness to spread a recipe given by her family to pass down for generations. Sonic had one such recipe that he thought she could practice on.

"Hey Schiza, what are you doing? I never see you so…up and at 'em like today."

Her hair's strands were covered by the chocolate mixing, her face stained by her licking the spoon. Sonic never noticed she didn't wash it, but thought there was nothing she could catch from her anyways. That is, if she didn't use extra eggs in her cake mix, the admixture droopy. She still had a hard time counting ingredients at times.

"I'm trying to make a cake, Sonic. I…wanted cake all of a sudden. I just woke up this morning, thinking I wanted a chocolate cake, and I'm really not sure why. Do you want to help me make it? I never made a cake before, and I think it looks hard…"

He remembered the recipe by heart, and his heart lit up at the request.

"Sure, I'll help you. At a cost, Schiza…"

She sunk slightly, expecting Sonic to have her trade away a special part of her room, or a part of her heart, or anything that her fairy tales had told her about.

"If…you let me have a slice of that cake once it's finished."

She smiled. He never disappointed her.

"First, do you know how to use an oven?"

Schiza looked at the silver mouth that gaped halfway open. Lorena was baking a blueberry pie last night and seemed to entirely forget that the monster was still begging to be fed cake mix and fruit with frozen pie crusts. She expected the monster ate the food and warmed it entirely with his stomach and threw it back up.

Shook her head.

"That's okay. First time for everything, huh? We're going to try to make the cake a special way I've always made it, and I think you'll like it."

They preheated the oven, and he told her about spraying the cake pan with nonstick spray. It was to make sure the cake could come out of the pan easily "so we can stuff it in our mouths," he joked.

Then, with the use of his magic fingers, he gave her the slip that contained the recipe, and he told her it would be "smart to start on the cake first, then we'll worry about the other stuff."

_**Ingredients**_

_**Cake**_

_Nonstick vegetable oil spray_

_2 1/3 cups cake flour_

_1 cup natural unsweetened cocoa powder_

_1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda_

_1 teaspoon kosher salt_

_1/4 teaspoon baking powder_

_2 teaspoons instant espresso powder_

_1 cup hot coffee_

_1 cup buttermilk_

_2 1/2 cups sugar_

_1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, room temperature_

_4 large eggs_

_1 large egg yolk_

_1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract_

_4 ounces semisweet or bittersweet chocolate (do not exceed 70%), melted, cooled slightly_

"What are we going to use the hot coffee for? To drink it? I hate coffee. It tastes blucky."

"We're not going to drink it. You'll see in a bit."

_**Preparation**_

_**Cake**_

_Preheat oven to 350°. Coat the bottom and sides of cake pans with nonstick spray. Line bottom of pans with parchment-paper rounds; spray paper._

_Sift cake flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, salt, and baking powder into a medium bowl; set aside. Dissolve espresso powder in hot coffee in a medium bowl and whisk in buttermilk; set aside._

_Using an electric mixer, beat sugar and butter in a large bowl until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes. Add eggs one at a time, beating between additions and scraping down sides of bowl as needed. Beat in egg yolk and vanilla. Beat on high speed until doubled in volume and very light and fluffy, about 3 minutes. Scrape bottom of bowl well, making sure to incorporate all butter into eggs. Beat for 1 minute longer._

_With mixer on low speed, beat in flour mixture in 3 additions, alternating with coffee mixture in 2 additions, beginning and ending with dry ingredients. With mixer running, drizzle in chocolate and mix until just blended. Divide batter evenly among cake pans; smooth tops._

_Bake cakes until a tester inserted into the center comes out clean, 25–30 minutes. Transfer to wire racks. Let cakes cool in pans for 30 minutes._

_Invert cakes onto racks; peel off parchment and let cool completely. __**DO AHEAD:**__ Cakes can be made 1 day ahead. Store airtight at room temperature._

"What does it mean to sift?"

"Just to make sure the powdered stuff is finely grained and doesn't have clumps and all in it. You wouldn't like to eat a cake that suddenly had a bunch of cocoa in one part of it and it tasted really bitter, right? So it's got to be even."

"I don't know if I'm going to like the cake if it has coffee in it. I don't know what espresso is. I heard of my mom and dad drinking that stuff from Starbuck's and I had a sip of it, and…yuck!"

"You've got to trust me on this. It'll taste delicious. And I'm sure little girls like you don't need to be hopped on coffee. And that's why your parents aren't responsible of you anymore."

It was supposed to be meant as a joke, but as Sonic poured the coffee into the buttermilk, he knew he couldn't joke about anything that happened to her. The bed that was stained, the mother that screamed in the middle of the night, wondering what was happening to the daughter she used to love.

He absentmindedly whisked the coffee, watching Schiza examining his cooking with eager eyes. He still tried to put on a big smile, smile widely for the baby, keep her safe and warm…The coffee mixture was brown, looking much like chocolate, and it was tempting to lick the whisk like Schiza had done for the cake mix. But he was suddenly reminded of her father, and grew sick, until he focused on the cake again.

_That bastard…_

He gripped Lorena's mixer tightly, mixing the sugar and butter, Schiza watching in awe. He was sure the other cake mix possibly had too many eggs, so he told her they could lick it together. Then the image of that bastard again. He became nauseous, and he told himself to focus on the cake, focus on the cake, make sure his dear darling had something nice to eat after dinner…

He listened to the noises of Lorena inspecting the garden, her high-heeled shoes becoming dirty and encased what looked like the chocolate that oozed from the mixer. He quietly asked her to help him alternate the other mixtures, and with the cake ready, they let the monster eat the cake mix and soon to puke from his stomach a brand new devil's food cake. Schiza could smell the cake wafting from the monster's jaws, and she grew excited, her palms and legs and eyes trembling at another dessert she hadn't had in so long, before Sonic sneaked in lemon cakes before the incident that caused her to be removed and sent to a foster home with children she thought she couldn't forget.

_**Hazelnut Crunch**_

_1/4 cup hazelnuts_

_2 ounces semisweet or bittersweet chocolate (do not exceed 70%), chopped_

_2 tablespoons (1/4 stick) unsalted butter_

_1/2 cup Nutella_

_3 cups toasted rice cereal_

"Hazelnuts, what are those?"

"They're delicious, and that's all you need to know, my princess." She giggled at the wink. She swore she hadn't seen Sonic so upbeat and cheeky before, but she liked it. She was always happy to see Sonic happy with her.

_**Hazelnut Crunch**_

_Preheat oven to 350°. Line a rimmed baking sheet with parchment paper. Spread out nuts on sheet. Toast until fragrant, 6–7 minutes. Coarsely chop nuts; set aside. Line same baking sheet with a fresh sheet of parchment paper; let cool._

_Combine chocolate and butter in a medium heatproof bowl. Set bowl over a large saucepan of simmering water. Heat mixture, stirring often, until melted and smooth. Remove bowl from over saucepan. Stir in hazelnuts and Nutella. Fold in toasted rice cereal. Spread mixture out on prepared sheet; don't worry about spreading it evenly. Freeze until set, about 30 minutes._

_Using your hands, break crunch into small pieces. __**DO AHEAD:**__ Hazelnut crunch can be made 4 hours ahead. Cover and chill._

He nestled in the thoughts of her father while he chopped the hazelnuts, pretending his heart was chopped in two. He expected to truly be a long time ago, because why else would the father hurt her in such a way?

He hated him. He gritted his teeth as he chopped every nut, wishing to taste the contents of his heart after every slice. He could tear that bastard in half. The little princess who became soiled and used.

Blood drained away from the knife, a visceral hallucination. Even angels like him could hallucinate. Even angels like him could have a psychosis that could damage them.

The hearts throbbed and syncopated, and if he tasted them, he was sure they would taste like blood and the blue veins would taste like sour raspberries like a child's candy.

Since her father ate children's dreams and hopes. He would swallow his heart whole likewise.

He set a pan of chocolate and butter over the fire, seeing Lorena putting on her lipstick and powder as she kept venturing in Sonic's garden. _Never change, Lorena,_ Sonic believed, as the chocolate and butter mollified slowly, into a puddle that seemed like something from Wonka's chocolate river. He made more jokes, in the expense of his anger and frustration over the past, that they would soon end up like Augustus in the tube.

"I would eat all that chocolate before I got stuck in there."

"You would be sick drinking about, what? Gallons of chocolate in that river? We don't want you throwing up, little lady."

"I will be when we eat this cake! It has _coffee in it!_"

"Oh oh no you won't." His smile was like the crescent moon, brightening up the darkness in the oven as he pulled out the hazelnuts, added the Nutella in the bowl and the rice cereal, and soon having the bowl cough the mixture into the pan. The freezer gulped in more food, and froze it within its winter caverns. Schiza giggled, said hi to the winter devil inside the freezer, and they went back to cooking.

_**Frosting and Assembly**_

_8 ounces high-quality milk chocolate (such as Lindt or Scharffen Berger), chopped_

_8 ounces semisweet or bittersweet chocolate (do not exceed 61%), chopped_

_1 1/2 tablespoons light corn syrup_

_1 1/2 cups heavy cream_

_1 cup (2 sticks) chilled unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch pieces_

"This seems so confusing Sonic, all these ingredients…"

"Well…it's a pretty fancy recipe for pretty fancy gals like yourself."

_**Frosting and Assembly**_

_Combine both chocolates and corn syrup in a medium bowl. Bring cream just to a boil in a small saucepan; pour over chocolate mixture. Stir until chocolate is melted and mixture is smooth. Using an electric mixer, beat until cool, 5–6 minutes._

_Add butter a few pieces at a time; beat until incorporated between additions. Continue to beat mixture until thick and lightened in color, about 5 minutes in a stand mixer and up to 15 minutes with a handheld mixer (if mixture seems very thin, stop occasionally and chill in refrigerator to firm it up before continuing to beat)._

_Using a serrated knife, cut off domed top from each cake to create even layers. Place 1 cake layer on a large plate. Using an offset spatula, spread about 1 cup frosting on top of cake. Sprinkle about 1/2 cup hazelnut crunch over frosting. Place second cake layer on top; press to adhere (this will ensure that the frosting will hold the layers together). Repeat process with another 1 cup frosting and 1/2 cup hazelnut crunch. Top with third cake layer. Spread remaining frosting over top and sides of cake._

_Decorate top of cake with more hazelnut crunch, if desired. Chill cake until frosting is set, 3–4 hours. __**DO AHEAD:**__ Cake can be assembled 2 days ahead. Cover with a cake dome and keep chilled. Let stand at room temperature for 1 hour before serving._

After many minutes, both Schiza and Sonic iced the cake, while hearing the many tramping footsteps of Roger upstairs, thinking about his next article or what to put in his next novel. Putting the Nutella rice cereal on the cake was like putting a star on a Christmas tree, and it gave her that same feeling of joy, back when her family were kind. Before the father suddenly descended to a paroxysm of madness.

"Sonic, do you know what I think this cake is missing?"

"What do you think it's missing?" He looked at his ingredient list, along with the cake that was turning into a home for an elf inside the monster's innards, and he sweat. His palms were hot underneath his gloves, his ears kept flickering to the sound of Lorena seemingly almost finished with the garden, and Roger coming to the kitchen at any minute. They made this cake for so long, they forgot most of the time, and Sonic was afraid of her parents seeing him and expecting that Schiza was talking to some sort of demon or mutated animal, or possibly being used for experiments, an alien lifeform of some kind, or…

She smiled sweetly, while her hands reached to touch his face, pulling it downwards to her lips, and she kissed him on the nose gently.

"You forgot love in it, silly."

Of course. Love. The thing that made him want to stay with Schiza, protecting her and watching her grow up.

His heart glowed. The sweating ceased.

"Schiza, of course it has love in it. You helped me, and you learned how to make this elaborate cake with me and we had fun while doing it…I know it was made with your love. I know it was made with my love. It was…"

Schiza grabbed his hand firmly, squeezing it.

"I love you, Sonic," she said.

His eyes seemingly dazzled in the kitchen light like cabochons. He kept his grip on her hand, tightly, his heart beating slowly, with gold ink flowing through his veins.

His grip returned the gesture, squeezing her palm, tighter, almost to where it physically hurt.

"I…I love you too, Schiza."

He wanted to protect her from everything. Monsters under the bed. Violent media. Cruel boys. Broken hearts. And her father, grinning like the Cheshire, his brown eyes the color of shit and decay and blood dried up to a dark brown after being stabbed on the cement.

His lids closed, tears forming at the sides. Schiza looked up, wanting to know what was wrong, what could she do to make her friend feel better, her guardian angel, the one who protected her for so long…

"I'm not upset, Schiza." Read her mind. Children were easy to read after a while, Sonic thought, but Schiza soon would be wholly different.

A moment of silence passed. Schiza expected her foster mother to come back, Roger to come back from writing his daily articles. Any minute now, they would come…

The cake was finished. Sonic prepared it for her lovingly, and she lined up the hazelnut crunch, the scent of the cake overwhelming their nostrils. Sonic was sure that Schiza would whine and pout when they would have to take the cake away until it was after dinner, but Sonic wanted to leave it, already slicing a part of the creature that was entirely brown and smelling like hazelnuts and espresso.

He said a statement, seemingly from nowhere, but Schiza remembered this statement, and so did Sonic, who lied on his cold, arctic bed with his thin sheets and the fires that just made his room colder, looking at the girl he once loved, that he might as well have lost on this special day.

"Schiza, did you know that today's my birthday?"

Silence emanated in the room. Schiza wasn't even aware that a stuffed toy could have a birthday, other than the date when she received Sonic as a gift, and the birthdates that she saw on Beanie Baby tags.

"I…didn't know you had a birthday, Sonic."

He played with the cake. His stomach seemed full. He just played with the many different layers of chocolate, the hazelnut crunches that were cut in half with a fork.

_His heart. His heart was chopped in half. I want it chopped…_

"Sonic, you look…"

His gaze lightened. He had to make everything seem okay. It was his birthday. A celebration.

"I know. Tense."

There was a clattering of dishes and forks, along with Lorena wiping her brow and claiming it was time to leave the garden and go home. Roger believing it was time to finish up his writing and come to dinner.

Schiza's tongue reached the cake, and for once, the coffee taste didn't bother her. She never had Nutella and hazelnut before, and Sonic had promised her that it was very delicious and very sweet, as he grinned and touched her nose with a lone finger. "It's sweet like you."

The plush was soon sitting on the table, its blank gaze reflected back in Roger's glasses. He arrived in the kitchen, holding onto a briefcase full of notes and citations and articles for his stories and articles.

His brain seemed halfway dissolved in his skull, writing for so long in his dark den. Roger mumbled, his voice iridescent from his throat for a moment, and he lifted the briefcase, looking through his notes on a new novel. It wasn't going too well. He often wrote for hours, as long as six, giving himself only fifteen minute breaks and breaks to the bathroom. He couldn't imagine sweating after a day of writing, but he did._ Writing was strenuous work, _he said, _especially when you have magazines constantly reminding you of deadlines, that they needed your article now, and that there wasn't enough time in the world to edit anything!_ A thread of sweat was wiped from his pores, and he asked Schiza about the mess in the kitchen.

"What is this, Schiza? Did you prepare that…cake, all by yourself? You couldn't have! I'm sure Lorena was responsible!"

She wasn't sure if Lorena would deny she made the cake. Appearing in the kitchen with a dress and heels splattered with mud and discarded flower petals, she said she couldn't remember if she made a cake like this or not.

"I'm so scatterbrained these days, Roger. I can't remember if I…knew how to make this type of cake or not. It seems like something from a fancy magazine."

"We are the target audience for that kind of thing, Lorena. We're living in relative luxury, after all."

"Yes, but I'm an old-fashioned cook. Using old-fashioned machines and making everything from scratch."

"You made the pie crust from store-bought dough and it was already made to look like a lattice."

"Yes, but no one can make a pie out of scratch, dear."

They opted out of eating store-bought chicken and noodles and went instead to a Chinese restaurant. Roger said that he needed something quick in his stomach to digest so he could get back to meeting the deadlines.

"You never meet the deadline anyway, honey. You just keep worrying that you worded things wrong and you did a terrible editing job on it that you send it to the publishers anyways and they accept it. Don't worry so much, dear."

"Writing is 1% writing, and 99% anxiety and panic attacks. You should know that by now."

"Schiza dear, did you really make that cake? You possibly couldn't have done it yourself. There must've been a friend of yours who was a prodigal cook or something. You can tell us the truth, while Roger can complain the orange chicken is way too hot for him."

Roger casted an offended look, digging into his chicken, and realizing that it was too hot that he had to order yet another glass of water.

"No, I…well, Lorena, you really wouldn't believe me, right, if I said that…"

Lorena stirred her pot of noodles slowly. She expected her to say that she made it herself. Ho ho! Were kids such the most fantastic of liars?

"I made it with Sonic. He comes to life and he helps me with things. I heard that Renee told me that Sonic was a transitional object and I would eventually get rid of him, but sometimes, I think of Sonic more like my…guardian angel."

Lorena sipped her noodles halfway, just ready to spit them out. Chewing them, she tried to talk with her mouth halfway full, wholly concerned that her daughter would believe in angels, dastardly things that had multiple eyes on their wings and a plate-shaped head and many halos surrounding their heads. Yes, she thought, they had multiple heads too. A child with a possible psychosis to believe in nice things like angels. All nice things eventually were dissolved away, she believed, all except food full of high fructose corn syrup and additives and fillers.

"Schiza…you do know that angels are…well, they're beasts, right? The Bible had actually told us that these angels…"

Sonic gazed at the moonlight, his wings shining a pale opalescent white, as glittering as a golden ring, and he read the book that Schiza had given him to the other angels, loud enough for the heavens to hear…

"Lorena, you can't be telling her that! Next thing you know we're going to find an atheist and they're going to tell her that angels aren't real. They aren't as real as Schiza's stuffed animals. Not as real as Sonic. He's just a videogame character, Schiza."

_One day I'll…be real…and so will the angels be real to those who don't believe…_

"He's not a videogame character, dad!" Her tiny, pudgy fists hit the table. It was the first time they saw her this angry. It was something that she felt strongly about. No one could doubt her beliefs in angels.

"He's real! He's real! He's really real!"

"Schiza, keep it down, everyone can hear…"

"Angels are real!"

He read about the rabbit that felt like he didn't belong. He asked if becoming real meant he would have to be wound up, or he would have a heart inside that went _tick tick_. Sonic wished he had a heart. He only had gizzards and bird guts.

"They're only real if you truly believe in them! If you don't believe in them, they're not real! And you're not believing in him! You're killing him!"

He asked God why he was put here.

There was no answer.

He asked God if he would have a real heart one day, if he would be able to truly love Schiza, truly be angry at her father, be able to avenge the sins her father had committed, the white disgust on the red blood…

"We're not killing a thing that never existed in the first place, Schiza. Angels can't help us. They're too busy helping…"

"He's helping me, mom."

Her voice was once again soft, quiet and kind. Her hand gripped tightly on Lorena's hand as they grabbed their coats and scarves and prepared to leave. The other customers were still staring at them, their forks and spoons in mid-flight to their mouths.

"Sonic loves me. He truly loves me, mom…"

There was no answer.

He was an angel, yet he didn't look like one.

_Angels are very close to serving in Hell as they are to Heaven. Satan was once an angel, one of God's favorites, and he soon betrayed Him. Aren't you lucky God liked you enough to not send you to Hell. You still have a chance of going back on Earth, helping more children like Schiza, but you refuse to, because you hold onto that guilt that you could've done something to prevent them from being damaged and scarred…_

_They once weren't real either, Sonic. They were dolls, like you. With painted faces and china masks and silk dresses imported from China. They are beautiful, they are fragile, but they weren't real until you healed them and fixed the cracks in their masks._

_I want to do the same for you, but you won't let me help you. You will continue not being real, even though you hold so much love in your heart for these girls…_

He laughed.

He still felt his bones turn to ice.

He still felt his hopes, his loves, screaming their shrunken heads and dying.

He turned on the fireplace, but still could not get any warmth, despite the flames being enticing. Even if he threw himself against the jaws of hellfire, he would still be unable to die.

He ate his hazelnut chocolate cake, yet could never get the rich taste in his mouth. There was no taste in it. None.

Happy birthday to me, he said with plainness, with ironic sadness in his voice.

_Happy birthday to me._

He held onto the plush of himself tightly, its nose gone, its eyes scratched and its seams loose. He was loved, but Schiza! Annabelle darlings! They had to take him away from their hearts due to his sins, and oh! He was like his father! The heart was torn in half!

He dug around in his skeletal cage, in his chest with his glass-like and glowing veins, the blown glass red and blue arteries that a fool who was truly avian couldn't have, flowing the prayers and folklore into his body. He pulled out his heart, his gloves drenched with black blood, the fabric of the red and blue being a shit-colored brown, the heart rotting, shrinking, dying, and it beat in loneliness, to have its cries heard out in the moon that was pale and shivered in the snow of purgatory.

It was ripped in two over two little charming girls who were hurt far too much.


End file.
